A 30-year-old is surrounded by a group of women at his party. His mates are winking at him while he returns a yawn. One of them opens an app on their phone and types a description. Immediately a match appears. With a tap of the screen, a deal is done. Patrick the wombat will receive a special gift for his birthday – a Tinder date.
New research shows there are 50 million active users who spend an average of 90 minutes per day on the app. From celebrities, Katy Perry and Leonardo DiCaprio, to notable public figures and athletes, Tinder is a popular choice for enlarging social circles. It might seem like a harmless dating app designed to bring singles together. But it also has a dark side. Tinder is a hotbed of perverts and catfish.
A report from dating website SeekingArrangement.com estimated one out of 10 dating profiles online are fake, and the likelihood of encountering catfish are high. However, Tinder can be enjoyable (and less scary!) if you follow my advice to help you swipe right.
1. Expect the unexpected!
Vicky Shekleton / Via Twitter: @vickyshekleton
Kate,* a 22-year-old teacher, has met her fair share of unusual people on social media, which prompted her to create a troll account.
“I have been hit on by really disgusting and weird people online. So this was like giving them a taste of their own medicine,” she said. “I guess this would be called ‘catfishing.’ I needed to make a point. It wasn’t just me being inconsiderate about my responses.”
Kate described the process of catfishing as “very easy” because Tinder did not have a strict registration process that involved validating her identity. She had an option to type another name, and needed only two photos and a description for her profile.
For three days Kate lived a double life. She believed pretending to be someone else and faking her personality was a form of revenge at “weird people” who are on Tinder for wrong reasons.
“People are just looking for someone to hook up with. Its ‘I need someone because I’m bored’ sort of attitude,” she said. “It’s about going out, having fun and living for the moment, rather than living for the future and being serious about things.”
When she was sent matches, Kate revealed she would make stories about being a criminal or transgender in response to comments about her body.
Image supplied by Kate
“Guys would pay attention to my feet. I’ll get guys instantly sending me pictures of nudes, saying ‘I love your feet,’” she said. “I mean who starts a conversation with a stranger feeling completely comfortable enough to share a nude with them and then be up front and say ‘I like your feet?’”
However, Kate’s lies did not stop random men from tracking her location and obtaining personal information elsewhere. On several occasions they sent friend requests on Facebook. Without ever being matched with them on Tinder, Kate was shocked at their determination to contact and meet her.
“People were searching me up and messaging me. They would look through all the Kates just to find me,” she said. “A lot of these people I didn’t know existed because I never went through their profiles or clicked to match them. These people were forcing their way to me.”
After a day, the Facebook messages changed from pickup lines to spine-chilling comments that specifically stated where she was and what she was doing.
“They would happily admit they found me on Tinder and say things like ‘I saw you walking to your house’ or ‘I saw you while you were jogging,’” she said. “I thought it was freaky, and too desperate, and yet they were still thinking it was socially acceptable.”
Kate admitted she was “creeped out” but not scared of her safety. Instead, it was the public nature of Tinder that became too much for her. On the fourth day Kate had enough.
“I didn’t realise the extent of publicity it had and how many people would be on Tinder,” she said.
Her experience of using Tinder to catfish was far from fun. Kate learned it caused more problems for her then she intended. For this reason, she rated Tinder a one out of five, and firmly stated she would never go back on it.
“Check your morals and why you are there [on Tinder]. Even if it’s for trolling, honestly I can say from my experience it’s not worth it. You just get hassled more and a bigger headache.”
2. Don't fake it to make it!
Tumblr: @lxttlesheep
Before Kate deleted her Tinder profile, she confessed there was an instance where men’s sexual obsession with feet worked in her favour.
“There was one incident where I got revenge and taught this person a lesson when he wanted pictures of my feet,” she said. “He said ‘I’ll pay you for them,’ and I thought wow. I was like ‘Here’s my address. Its $20 for the first photo but you have to pay first so I actually know you will pay.’”
To Kate’s surprise money was instantly transferred into her PayPal account.
“He actually did pay. It was so crazy. He was like 15 or 16. Then he said ‘Send the pictures’ when he realised I wasn’t replying. He then said ‘You trolled me and took the money.’ That was weird, until I found out he had a girlfriend as well,” she said. “I threatened to tell his girlfriend he was cheating. I gave him his money back but I told him it was for teaching him a lesson.”
Kate’s catfish story is one of many accounts that occurred across Australia. In 2014 a report found 2,700 Australians were catfished, and since then this number continued to climb. Kate’s success at manipulation and the tactics she used is similar to those shown in the television series Catfish, which American anthropologist Krystal D’Costa studied.
“A catfish shapes his or her profile to serve us exactly what we want. They’re emphatic, sympathetic, and like-minded,” she wrote in her blog. “Users have the opportunity to craft a specific image and adjust that image over time. People may look nothing like their photographs or may be pretending to be another gender.”
Catfish concealed their identities or hid behind a “benign face” because social networks encouraged “narcissistic self-promotion and manipulation” of what is published, the co-convenor of the UNSW Cyberspace Law and Policy Community David Vaile said.
“Many participants are deliberately deceptive and manipulative,” he said. “So better make sure everyone is aware their information can be used against them and they cannot trust online identities.”
There is a social element as well. D’Costa stated catfish won people over when they built relationships of confidence and trust. She explained catfish string their bait along and emotionally feed the relationship until questions are no longer asked. Ultimately, this was to avoid detection.
“Catfish appear just like everyone else. It’s much harder to believe a friend would deceive you,” she wrote. “It’s rare a user will try to verify information offered by a catfish for these reasons.”
D’Costa stated catfish are not concerned about being scrutinised, and have no fear in falsifying an identity because their end goal is not to have an offline meeting.
“Why do they do it? Online spaces mean users don’t have to face the people they fool,” she wrote. “So feelings like guilt and shame can be avoided as they explore how far they can press a storyline.”
3. When in doubt, get out!
Bianca Stanescu / HOTforSECURITY
One afternoon, dating coach Suzie-A received a message from an attractive man. They talked daily on Facebook until Suzie-A realised he wanted something from her - money.
“He said the bank seized his money and he had to pay treatment for his father and pay his bills,” she wrote on her blog. “So I responded ‘Sorry but I can’t help you.’ He kept pleading and begging saying his father would die if he didn’t pay for the treatment.”
In Australia it is not illegal to be anonymous or pseudonymous. However, Vaile said if catfish have intent to gain a benefit or cause harm through fraud and deception, it is a crime.
“Fraud and deception for advantage are offences,” he said. “Online means makes no difference to this."
Suzie-A immediately blocked him until he attempted to add her on another account.
“Another person subscribed to me. Very similar profile,” she wrote. “He kept sending me messages over and over, but I didn’t respond.”
Now, she warns her readers and online communities to beware of stranger danger. She stated catfish trick vulnerable people for their affection and then attempt the “money grab.”
“Be smart. Use your gut instinct. Don’t let your loneliness or feelings that you struck gold get in the way of reality,” she wrote. “I know how hard it is to be alone and that makes you vulnerable for any type of attention. But you need to make sure it’s the right type of attention.”
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* Name changed to protect identity.
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